JTBC recently covered the late K-pop idol Goo Hara's demise and her family's court battle with her birth mother.
A few pages from the Goo Hara journals containing tragic writings were exposed in public during the segment. The distress she experienced in her last years in life, her journal entries, throw a little light in Hara's mind. (via Koreaboo)
Some of Goo Hara's writings were from when she was still a young student. Several of her pages seemed much more optimistic when she talked about attempting to find a person's interest and planning a more efficient and successful prospect with the funds she earned throughout her professional life.
She left notes of self-love more particularly. But there were obvious indications of Hara's pain and suffering. She's been asking God for forgiveness and for Him to look after her. Her religious belief seemed to soothe her as she encountered other complexities throughout her life. Hara writes as well about how she thought of herself.
She believed she was "sensitive" and was the root of her frustration and unhappiness. She realized she had a dilemma because her mom wasn't there in her life, so she wanted more to be perfectly content and happy.
"What you're worried about. What you believe. What you assume. It happens and is applied. I must first safeguard myself and be mindful of myself. No, I believe I'm too sensitive than most, and I understand myself so well that it's frightening. I'm susceptible. Let's not rob my strength, and let's focus on the positives and happily."
The expression "It's okay" was by far the most written sentence on all pages. To get them examined, JTBC ended up taking the journal entries to a university psychology professor.
Professor Kim Tae Kyung found that Hara was using the expression "It is okay" repeatedly as if trying to reassure herself that everything was fine. Yet Professor Kim's main statement was when Goo Hara spoke of becoming "allowed to be loved." She believed that Hara's writings indicated that she wanted to encourage herself to remain positive, but Hara started to have fear instead.
Professor Kim stated clearly that such statements are being used by people who have never received unconditional love. They would always have to struggle for the care and affection of others, and that love was easily overlooked.
Her detachment from love may be attributable to the reality that when she was young, her mother deserted her. Her father was unable to be with her side all the time because he was occupied working to support her.
Kim was sure Hara loved his brother, but she treated her mother as nothing but a biological mom. When the journalists questioned the professor what it means when she penned about missing her mother, Professor Kim claims that the notion of a happy and caring mother relates more to Hara than to her birth mother. Hara just wanted to feel her normal mom's love and affection.